hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
