it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
