Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
