**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
