Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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