Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
