u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
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Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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