I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I could make wine with my vomit
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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