I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize