Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
