I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
