You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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