Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
