Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
