wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
