mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
