Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
