i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize