Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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