he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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