sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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