there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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