You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
