Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
