Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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