her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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