just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
