I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
