I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
