There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
