I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
