He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
