I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
