good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
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FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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