I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
