I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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