I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
