Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I seem to have left my pride at pride
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
