I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
