What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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