so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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