There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
