If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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