So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
