My cat gives me a boner
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
