Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
