AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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