I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
