really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize