On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
