If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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