I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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