I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Even my vagina gasped.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
