she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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