you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
