Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
