I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
