Your dad touched me again.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
