I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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