ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
