he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
