Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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