i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
