My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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