I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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