How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
