no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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