If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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