I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
