I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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