I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
