South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
