I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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